Meet Your Inner Perfectionist
Have you ever thought about what the Perfectionist in you looks like?
One of my clients is launching a podcast, and as she shares the news with me, my excitement explodes. "Yes, it's quite nice but here's the thing...," she continues less enthusiastically.
"We were supposed to leave on Friday afternoon for a trip to Italy... But before I get into the car, I listen to the first episode I recorded and I just can't stand my voice! So I get back to the office, stay up until 3 a.m., and re-record the first 3 episodes that were scheduled to go out."
"And what about the trip?" I ask.
"We left on Saturday at noon, and you can imagine what my partner thinks about the whole thing."
No matter how many times we've grappled with our inner Perfectionist
If you're someone like me who has been living with perfectionism all her life, you've probably experienced these 2 stages:
first, being proud of being an A-type student and achieving literally anything (in your 20s and early career stages)
but then realizing that your perfectionism is what holds you back from getting what you most desire (early 30s and onwards).
And you know what I mean when I say perfectionism.
You know EXACTLY where the healthy obsession or crazy amount of passion you feel about a project turns into a toxic pattern that robs you of peace of mind, sleep, or quality time with your loved ones.
And if you're at this point of awareness, you might do a lot of self-blaming too.
Who wants that bitch in their office?!
Many of us think about our inner Perfectionist as some annoying, older lady with glasses who's extremely picky and refuses to accept the first 24 drafts of whatever we're working on until she's fully satisfied.
So we usually set ourselves on a quest to silence her, ignore her, or tell ourselves that this time, maybe this time, we can finally do a "good enough" job. That was precisely the advice I received from my business coach when I complained about spending too much time crafting this newsletter.
And you know what happened?
I not only failed to fix my "problem," but I was left with even more self-criticism than before because I couldn't follow her suggestion to set a timer and write an email within 10-30 minutes.
Safety first
This is where quick fixes and superficial coaching create even more damage than good.
If you ask someone who hasn't received tons of positive feedback when growing up (or, on the other hand, received an overwhelming amount of negative feedback), to do a "good enough" job → it's like asking them to jump into an existential void.
Perfectionism is a mechanism we've developed to feel safe.
To be in control of the outcome, and to avoid criticism.
And who drives it all isn't the voice of some critical relative of yours.
No.
It's the child in you who craves love and attention - even in a professional context.
When you finally understand this, you stop trying to get rid of your perfectionism "once and for all."
When you start to acknowledge that your perfectionism isn't a problem to be fixed but an invitation to love yourself more, you'll begin to treat yourself differently.
When you realize that it's your inner child - the artist within you - driving your creative work and business forward (not the adult who'd rather lie on the couch and watch a movie ;) you'll begin to attend to it and validate it → which ultimately leads to more ease and peace than trying to "overcome your perfectionism."
I'm curious, what's your relationship with perfectionism?
Hit reply! I’m here – a real human on the other end and I love hearing from you.
Your Hedvika
PS. Are you a professional who's ready to do things differently - the feminine, embodied way?
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